Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

What If...NATO Hit Moscow with Phantoms

Moscow Russia had bomb siren drill the other day. How fitting if a squadron of 21th century upgraded Phantom -4Es lay sonic bomb over the city, shoot down the sheetmetal MiGs and SUs.

This song comes to mind, a rewrite of the old Luftwaffe Bomben Auf Engeland, the lyrics down below.

We buzz the hills, we reach the space,
Where eagles don't get to fly.
We pierce the clouds,
We brave the Sun
We have our lunch in the sky.

(Refrain)


Load the bombs, load the bombs, 

Get those missiles flying 

Load the bombs, load the bombs,

Let's get that Ivan running,

Load the bombs, load the bombs,

Afterburner on! 

Run them down, out of town,

Phantoms over Moscow.


(Extra to the first refrain):

Hear the radio say, Burn Kremlin down!

See the missiles rain on the town!

Bombs and rockets,

Phantoms over Moscow!


Russian wenches are crying 

It was a nasty dogfight

We bombed the tanks

We zapped the skanks 

All 'fore the day's early light.

REFRAIN 

Phantoms over Moscow!


From White to Black Sea we roam

We bust railroads and trucks 

In Siberia we shot Ivan 

Tomorrow it's Iran

We don't do this for bucks!

REFRAIN 

Phantoms over Moscow!


Our mighty jets shot down commies 

In Middle East and Vietnam

We got no heart 

We hit them hard 

We're back again for Grand Slam!


REFRAIN


The Lufwaffe song, TRANSLATED:

We feel in the depths and heights1

The eagle's bold fortune!

We climb up to the gates

Of the sun,

We leave the Earth behind.

 

Comrade! Comrade!

The girls have to wait!

Comrade! Comrade!

The order is given, we start!

Comrade! Comrade!

The order is known:

Reach the enemy! Reach the enemy!

Bombs on England!

 

Do you hear the engines singing:

Reach the enemy!

Do you hear it ringing in their ears:

Reach the enemy!

Bombs! Bombs!

Bombs on England!

 

We're facing the British lion

For the final decisive blow.

We give our judgement.

A world empire is collapsing.

This will be our proudest day!

Comrade! Comrade! The girls...

 

We fly to the Vistula and Warthe

We fly in Polish land

We hit it hard

The enemy army

With lightning and bombs and fire

Comrade! Comrade! The girls...

 

So became the new weapons

Baptized and consecrated in fire.

From the Rhine to the sea

The flying army,

So we're ready for action.


The German lyrics:

Wir fühlen in Horsten und Höhen1

Des Adlers verwegenes Glück!

Wir steigen zum Tor

Der Sonne empor,

Wir lassen die Erde zurück.

 

Kamerad! Kamerad!

Alle Mädels müssen warten!

Kamerad! Kamerad!

Der Befehl ist da, wir starten!

Kamerad! Kamerad!

Die Losung ist bekannt:

Ran an den Feind! Ran an den Feind!

Bomben auf Engelland!

 

Hört ihr die Motoren singen:

Ran an den Feind!

Hört ihr's in den Ohren klingen:

Ran an den Feind!

Bomben! Bomben!

Bomben auf Engelland!

 

Wir stellen den britischen Löwen

Zum letzten entscheidenden Schlag.

Wir halten Gericht.

Ein Weltreich zerbricht.

Das wird unser stolzester Tag!

Kamerad! Kamerad! Alle Mädels . . . .

 

Wir fliegen zur Weichsel und Warthe

Wir fliegen ins polnische Land

Wir trafen es schwer

Das feindliche Heer

Mit Blitzen und Bomben und Brand

Kamerad! Kamerad! Alle Mädels . . . .

 

So wurde die jüngste der Waffen

Im Feuer getauft und geweiht.

Vom Rhein bis zum Meer,

Das fliegende Heer,

So steh'n wir zum Einsatz bereit.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Patents for landscaping and gas sations on the Moon

Here are couple of odd patent involving the moon. First, there is a startup raising money to fly robots to the moon, in order to rearrange surface sand on the moon to create large advertisements seen from space. The company is at: www.moonpublicity.com, and their ads tout their patent application.

Second, an utterly obvious claim being sought by Space Adventures in their U.S. patent application 20070128582, "Method, apparatus and system for private lunar exploration", with claim 1 , the obvious (i.e., ridiculous) content added afterward, in square brackets:

1. A method of registering for private space travel to the moon [or
travel on a yacht], comprising: providing a first spacecraft [yacht]
adapted to carry at least one private individual; receiving payment
from the private individual for registration for a flight [cruise]
on the first spacecraft [yacht]; providing launching of the first
spacecraft from the earth [yacht from the harbor] carrying the
private individual; and providing travel into lunar orbit [offshore
routes] for the private individual in the first spacecraft [yacht].

The inventors of the following issued patent must be extremely optimistic
with regards to how soon man will be spending a lot of time in outer space:

Propellant depot in space
U.S. Patent 7,559,508: Depots imply a lot of traffic, and I just don't see a lot of vehicular traffic in outer space in the next twenty years when their patent expires.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Greeks put up their Museum of Hellenistic Inventions in a port for love boats

International Travel News is a low-profile but very informative monthly travel newspaper. It has reported on the Museum of Ancient Greek Technology, which has two floors of models of early Greek inventions, located in the Ilia region of the Peloponnese Archipelago of Greece, in the town of Katakolo, the port call for cruise ship day trips to Olympia.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

To patent submarine patenting:

I have critiqued silly and ridiculous patents in the previous and other posts, but here is the attempt to patent submarine patents, filed by someone who knows nothing about jurisdiction (out of pity, the PTO should return his application fee): Submarine patents U.S. Patent Application 20080221912 David James Harris, of Great Britain 1. A method of seeking patent protection for an invention, comprising: a) filing a first European Patent Application for the invention at a first date; b) filing a second European Patent Application for the invention at a second date not more than one month later; characterised in that the second European Patent Application is a divisional European Patent Application claiming the filing date of the first European patent application.
David, my boy, a patent issued in the United States is completely useless for a method performed completely outside the United States. Now, I can understand a pro se inventor filing such wackiness, but I am shocked that a US law firm is helping a foreign inventor file such excrement:
Computer system for distributing a validation instruction message U.S. Patent Application 20080201334 Justin Ryan Simpson (Legal Rep: Brooks Kushman) Claim 1: 1. A computer system for distributing a validation instruction message, the computer system being adapted to communicate with an interface, a specification database and a plurality of European agent computers, the interface including: a European patent identifier receiver adapted to receive a European patent identifier; and a country selection receiver adapted to receive a country selection, and the specification database being adapted to store a plurality of European patent specifications, wherein, when the computer system receives a European patent identifier and a country selection, the computer system is adapted to: (a) obtain, from the specification database, a European patent specification corresponding to the European patent identifier; and (b) provide the European patent specification and the validation instruction message to a European agent computer corresponding to the country selection.
Justin, more than likely, someone is going to implement this computer system outside the United States, making your U.S. patent (if it issues) completely useless. Such as implementing this system in Europe, where sadly because the EPO and courts love to betray science, engineering, semantics and law with their silly "technical effect" drooling, the European sibling of this patent application will never issue.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Wind Turbines, Oil Rigs and Curious George

Now that Dubya is packing up and about to be moving out of the White House, the media and the web are awash with negative gloating and mindless euphoria. The US economy has grown in all directions possible, major fiscal indicators have been on a roller coaster ride, the real estate market is pathetic, nobody has health insurance, and the layoffs seem to be the talk of every neighborhood bar. In tough times like these it makes sense to browse for some viral videos. The Good Bye Curious George is probably the best anti bush video that captures the spirit of the nation, of our mood and that of the outgoing neopresident. The video is simple, yet a cut above amateur animation. The unexpected zoom-in on the card mix up involving the bank rescue plan (why should the taxpayer rescue banks, the bastion of capitalism, when the essence of capitalism is the survival of the fittest? Let the weakling bank disappear), the Lincoln's name mixup which is so typical of the Bush presidency steeped in bumbling and word-mincing. It reminds us of George W. Bush's the "Mission Accomplished" bravado speech aboard an aircraft carrier after the Iraq invasion ring so fresh and simplistically premature. The nuclear option scenario is also credibly hilarious, because the nuclear solution has been contemplated regarding Iran. It goes hand in hand with the paradigm we know since childhood: The Curious George wants to know, what would happen if the Red Nuclear Button is pushed? The video does not deal with a nuke scare, rather, the video keeps on portraying the bumbling petrodollar utilitarianism of Dubya's business dreams. No matter the wreck he causes us, there is always the petrodollar lining to it for him, but desolation and smoke for us. Give an Oscar to the cartoon's creator(s) for being the most unique funny video addressing such a character in US history, the rigmarole he is leaving behind and the snafus he has not (lucky you and me) have the chance to execute. The video has a tastefully light finish, wherein Dubya the Curious George Cowboy rides into the sunset, which seems to be after the nuclear war-like destruction with the oil rigs in the background, while wind turbines telescope out of the ground and start spinning while the sky turns jubilant with an Obama-esque rainbow. Therapeutically pleasing. I think lame duck is an understatement. The video offers us comedy relief while reliving the last eight years of the mess.

Halliburton applies for the method of troll patenting

It was UC Berkley, among others. Then, Microsoft. President Obama better sign a decree that makes it a criminal offense for anyone in the patent world to use the word troll. It is a meaningless term that becomes more and more pointless each day, due in part to the following absurd wackiness applied (and breezed through by the US Patent law) for by Halliburton Energy Services:
Patent acquisition and assertion by a (non-inventor) first party against a second party U.S. Patent Application 20080270152 Claim 1: A method for a non-inventor first party to acquire and assert a patent property against a second party, the method including the first party performing the following acts: obtaining an equity interest in the patent property; writing a claim within the scope of the patent property, the claim being written to cover a product of the second party, where the product includes a secret aspect, the secret aspect including an unobservable aspect, where writing the claim includes performing research using a computer to convert the unobservable aspect to an observable aspect; filing the claim with a patent office; offering a license of the patent property to the second party after the patent property issues as a patent with the claim; and attempting to obtain a monetary settlement from the second party based on the assertion of infringement of the claim. Patent property - both novel and vague term. Aspect is already used in the claim within a different aspect. I guess Dick Cheney needs novel and non-obvious ways to make business off government contracts.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Why a GPS device that insults is not so patentable:

In the previous post I looked at the paragraph 101 patentability of the aesthetic patent invention: United States Patent Application 20080172175 Funny/humorous/abusive GPS system or navigation system Whatever its 101-"ness", does it have 102 problems based on a radio car talk show, as pointed out by patenting expert: Even if it does satisfy 101, it isn't novel. The Bob & Tom radio show has a comedy bit called The Nagigator" that appears on their album "Sideshow" that was released in November, 2004. The idea in the bit is replacing the nice navigation lady with the voice of your wife, telling you how stupid you are. Putting aside the obvious problems with this published application, what this gentleman in the '175 describes has already been disclosed on the radio nationwide at least three years before he filed his application.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

On the patentability of GPS systems that insult

According to the spirit of our patent law, all of the arts should be patentable, including music and books. I believe aesthetic effects are useful manufactures to satisfy 101. Case in point. The following utility patent application, the novelty is purely aesthetic.
United States Patent Application 20080172175 Funny/humorous/abusive GPS system or navigation system Abstract My invention is an added feature to the existing GPS systems or navigation systems. It can also be a stand alone GPS system as well. Currently the navigation systems politely give you directions to your desired destination. My invention will be an extra feature in voice generated directions or audio system, which if added to the existing GPS systems can be turned on or off at will. Depending on the mood of the driver or the passengers, this new feature will add a little spice in driving especially to new destinations. The system will behave like a normal human being and will be little unforgiving in case the driver has trouble following voice generated directions. The voice generated directions will be spiced up by adding funny phrases like "YOU SILLY" OR "YOU DUMMY" OR "YOU STUPID" etc. It will purely add a lot of fun and laughter in the vehicle for the driver and the passengers and driving can be a fun experience. In ABUSIVE GPS SYSTEM, meant only for adults, any kind of language or four-letter words or phrases can be programmed in the system. This will also add a lot of spice to the driving of vehicles.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Jellyfish is good and bad and uncertain

Sunday's New York Times had an article about growing jellyfish problems around the world as a sign of dying oceans. One interesting comment: "Jellyfish ... are relatively harmless, in fact are the cockroaches of the open waters, ...".

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A bunch of bad jokes from the world of patents

A metallurgist is an expert who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore. From the Sacramento law firm Downey Brand: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a Lawyer? An offer you can't understand. From the US Patent Office U.S. Patent 6,578,299 Ice fishing hole simulator system

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Why you should always be careful with email addresses

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2007 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The street value of the US dollar:

If you are trading currencies, here is an observation on the weakness of the U.S. dollar, from the Monday Metropolitan column in the New York Times: Dear Diary: As I was walking down Second Avenue from 57th Street in mid-April, I noticed a young woman, early 20s, standing on the corner and talking on her cellphone while her toy-size dog squatted and took care of its business. As the dog completed its task, and not missing a beat, the young woman - still talking on the cellphone - bent down and scooped up her dog's poop with a dollar bill and dropped it into a nearby trash can. No wonder the Europeans have booked all the carriage rides in the Central Park!

Friday, May 30, 2008

world buzzwords

Foreign people not only make up queer English words, they also have interesting words of their own. Please add any that you know of in the comments. Queer means odd, by the way.

  1. Ilunga (Tshiluba, Congo): a person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time
  2. Taarradhin (Arabic): a way of resolving a problem without anyone losing face (not the same as our concept of a compromise - everyone wins)
  3. Razbliuto (Russian): The vacant feeling you have for someone you once loved, but no longer love.
  4. Meraki (Greek): doing something with soul, creativity, or love
  5. Yoko meshi (Japanese): literally ‘a meal eaten sideways’, referring to the peculiar stress induced by speaking a foreign language:
  6. Duende (Spanish): a climactic show of spirit in a performance or work of art, which might be fulfilled in flamenco dancing, or bull-fighting, etc.
  7. Pochemuchka (Russian): a person who asks a lot of questions
  8. Tingo (Pascuense language of Easter Island): to borrow objects one by one from a neighbour’s house until there is nothing left
  9. Manqué (French) having failed to become what one might have been
  10. Litost (Czech): a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery
  11. Waldeinsamkeit (German): the feeling of being alone in the woods
  12. Dai Lu Maozi (Chinese) Translates to “He wears the green hat”; Meaning his Wife is sleeping with someone else.
  13. Faire Du Leche-Vitrines (French) Literally, “to lick the windows”; Window Shopping.
  14. Harami (Arabic) An electrical plug adapter that allows more than one plug to be plugged into the same socket. Literally means “thief”
  15. Guanxi (Mandarin): in traditional Chinese society, you would build up good guanxi by giving gifts to people, taking them to dinner, or doing them a favor, but you can also use up your gianxi by asking for a favour to be repaid.
  16. Handschuhschneebalwerfer (German) Germans like to smash words together into one. This one translates to “Somebody Who Wears Gloves To Throw Snowballs”, used in general to describe cowards.
  17. Geisterfahrer (Austria) Someone driving the wrong way on the Autobahn. Literally: Ghost Driver.
  18. Shitta (Farsi) Leftover dinner eaten for breakfast.
  19. Schadenfreude (Guess Who) To derive pleasure via someone else’s pain or misfortune
  20. Gorerro (Spanish) Someone who never picks up a check.
  21. Rujuk (Indonesian) To Remarry your ex-wife.
found on MisanthropyToday

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

A Saint: the George Bush joke

George Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings. His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, 'We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.' The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, 'The Church is desperate for funding: I'll do it.' Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began: 'I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President who is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence numb-nut who can't put a compound sentence together. He bugged out of combat service during the Vietnam war and went AWOL to avoid a drug test, then had all reports on the sordid event destroyed. He is the spawn of a Nazi-loving great grandfather who smuggled anti-Americans into this country on his shipping line. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth. It is a three-trillion dollar folly. He appointed fund-raiser cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction due to government paralysis after Hurricane Katrina. He awarded no-bid cost-plus contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression. He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion dollars. Oil rose from $18 to over a hundred per barrel, leading to transportation costs which the people of America cannot afford, with low minimum wages, part time jobs, no health insurance, and outsourcing. Vital research into global warming and stem cells is stifled because he's afraid to lose votes from religious kooks. He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known . . . BUT COMPARED TO DICK CHENEY, GEORGE W. BUSH IS A SAINT.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Jazz festivals patentable; System a vague term

In this post:

· fun at the typical European anti-software-patent nonsense

· Payment issues in the Hollywood script writers’ strike

· Was the first clickable flashy Web ad used in ..... 1981?

· Patent used to confirm paintings are not Pollock’s

· Would jazz festivals be patentable?

· Is “system” a vague term?

ANTI-SOFTWARE-PATENT NONSENSE IN EUROPE UK attorney David Musker has written a satire of anti-software-patent nonsense in Europe: “The great free bear debate, or what ales the patent system?”. Great satire. He should be appointed head of the EPO Board of Appeals - the decisions, if not more rational, will at least be more entertaining. Read here PAYMENT ISSUES IN THE HOLLYWOOD SCRIPT WRITERS’ STRIKE If you are following the script writers’ strike in Hollywood and New York, one main question is what they are actually arguing about, beyond that the writers want more money. The 1 December issue of the New York Times, page B4, has some specific examples: The [writers’ guild] leaders said, for instance that [the new contract] would pay only $250 for a year’s reuse of an hour-long program streamed on the Web, in contrast to the $20,000 currently paid for a network re-run. The producers have offered writers the same residual rate [for downloaded films and shows] they pay for DVDs, which works out to 0.36 percent of wholesale revenues, which amounts to pennies per DVD but tens of thousands of dollars on the millions of copies of even modest hits; writers are seeking a rate of 2.5 percent. [A writers’ guild leader] said guild leaders were “pleased” to know that [entertainment] companies were now offering an economic package they say will add $130 million to the $1.3 billion they already pay writers. $20,000 - multiples of $10,000 - $130 million - $1.3 billion - large amounts of money for the rights to scripts. Why? Because NEW scripts and their DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS OF plot PROCESSES, at these levels of money, ARE very CONCRETE, TANGIBLE and USEFUL. :-) WAS THE FIRST CLICKABLE FLASHY WEB AD USED IN ..... 1981? I recently came across a 1981 book on videotext that mentioned something called Adflashes, which seems to have anticipated flashy Web ads by over 10 years: ”The advertisement flash, or ‘adflash’, technique consists of drawing attention to an advertisement on another page by flashing characters to induce you to request that page ..... The adflash technique attempts to mix editorial and advertising in traditional newspaper fashion. However, the reader/viewer for the first time has to press a button to see advertisements, .... The efficacy of adflashes is questionable at this stage in the development of Prestel.” The first clickable Web ad was sold by GNN in 1993 to a law firm, 12 years after adflashes. Another reminder that much of the innovation in the Internet had to do with marketing, not technology - the eternal legacy of Microsoft. PATENT USED TO CONFIRM PAINTINGS ARE NOT POLLOCK’S Tne 29 November 2007 New York Times, page C16, has an article on the disputed authenticity of some recently discovered paintings attributed to Jackson Pollack. In 2002/2003, the son of artists friends of Pollock found, in a storage locker, 32 paintings supposedly done by Pollock. Art experts have been arguing since then if the paintings are authentic or not. The initial art reviewers said they were authentic, but later art experts said they weren’t. One recent study, done by Richard Newman of the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, found that for two of the nine paintings Newman looked at, the two paintings contained a pigment first known to have been patented by Ciba-Geigy in 1983. Since Pollock died in 1956, the painting is either not his, or it is one of his painting that has since been altered. There are also mismatches between the paints used in the 32 paintings, and paints found in Pollock’s studio. One for the patent detectives. I remember years ago hearing about a murder case where the murder victim was bound with an unidentifiable type of tape. However there was a number on the tape that detectives realized was a patent number, and used information from the patent in their case. What next - Law and Order - Alexandria? In the first episode, a dead body is found floating in the Potomac with the sign “3(b)” scratched out on the chest by the victim. Oooooooh, sounds mysterious! WOULD JAZZ FESTIVALS, IF NOVEL TODAY, BE PATENTABLE? The November 28 edition of the New York Times, page C12, has an obituary for Elaine Lorillard, a founder of the Newport Jazz Festival, which in turn has inspired jazz festivals around the world. Lorillard was a socialite married to Louis Lorillard, a descendant of Pierre Lorillard, who found the P. Lorillard Tobacco Company in 1760. Here’s the interesting question in light of the questionable illogic of KSR/Graham - if jazz festivals did not exist today (102 novelty for a 101 business method with an easy to create 112 description), would the idea be unobvious enough to be patentable under 103? And if so today, if State Street existed in 1954 (the year of the first Jazz festival), would jazz festivals have been patentable in 1954? First, the motivation for Lorillard to create the jazz festivals. From the obituary: It was a casual remark during intermission at a classical concert in Newport in 1953 that inspired the Lorillards to sponsor the first Newport Jazz Festival. Mrs. Lorillard, already a jazz fan, was seated next to John Maxon, then head of the Rhode Island School of Design Museum. ”It’s too bad we can’t do something like this for jazz.”, he said. “That’s another music form that’s worth a big-time festival.” The Lorillards got in touch with George Wein, then the owner of a jazz club in Boston, and asked him to produce that first festival. A priori, let’s assume that the business method of jazz festivals meets 101 via State Street, 102 via no prior art, and 112 via a good lawyer. One simple question remains: are jazz festivals obvious? The examiner issues an Official Notice rejection with little explanation other than citing the prior art of non-jazz outdoor festivals, “obviously” combined with jazz. Indeed, outdoor music festivals have been around for centuries. The applicant comes back and argues, using KSR, “You can’t make that objection, it’s hindsight analysis. After all, its been 50 years since the invention of Jazz (Buddy Bolden and Jelly Roll Morton in 1905). It’s a clear failure of others to invent. And 50 years is the length of time the Supreme Court felt comfortable with in Goodyear for something to be unobvious.” Who wins? I quote from Goodyear Tire v. Ray-O-Vac, a 1944 Supreme Court case (321 U.S. 275, 278), which KSR rests on via citation chains: ”We think this case is one of the category of inventions which, when viewed after disclosure and explanation by the applicant, seem simple and such as should have been obvious to those in the field. Yet this does not necessarily [negate] invention or patentability.” The next sentence: ”During a period of a half century .....................” The same half century between the invention of jazz and the existence of outdoor music festivals, and the invention of the outdoor jazz festival. An obvious combination (jazz + outdoor music) or not? Obvious combination or not in light of this foundation language for hindsight bias in Goodyear? And thus, patentable to not? I say patentable. There is too much judicial handwaving going on to try to give meaning to the completely vague 35 USC 103. Inventors should not be penalized for the incompetence of Congress and the courts, and their arrogance that they think they understand “obvious” - they don’t. IS “SYSTEM” A VAGUE TERM? A reader sent in the following paragraph from an Office Action, obviously a less-trained examiner: ”Claims 55-66 recite ‘system’ which is vague and indefinite since a system may be one of several different statutory classes of invention (including a method or an apparatus). Applicant must indicate on the record to what statutory class of invention the system claims belong. For the purposes of this examination these claims are considered apparatus.” How do you respond? “Our system claims are for systems that belong to the statutory class of systems.” “System” claims appear in zillions of patent - articles of manufacture (systems are comprised of multiple manufactured apparati). PTO entanglement should shut up about rules changes until it fixes its many current problems, like Peterlin making it easier for Chinese spies to steal American secrets by bugging the homes of her teleworking examiners. See a previous post on claims.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Spy Mag Nostalgia



Spy was a magazine of satirical journalism, featuring in-depth investigative journalism. Based in New York, Spy resembled the British magazine Private Eye, which intelligently researched the American media and entertainment industries, and delivered content in a humorously irreverent style.

Some of Spy's features attempted to present the darker side of celebrities such as the prophetic photograph of Kurt Cobain holding a muzzle of a rifle in his mouth, Arnold Schwarzenegger (printing a nude photo of him and a picture of his father''s Nazi party membership card), John F. Kennedy, Jr., Martha Stewart, and especially the real-estate tycoon Donald Trump and his then-wife Ivana Trump. The mogul was repeatedly described as "short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump," and such literary, pejorative epithets became a Spy trademark.

Spy's distinctive features included "Writer's Blecch," "Separated At Birth?," which were side-by-side photographs of two different celebrities, and "Celebrity Math," which presented thumbnail headshots atop simple and imaginative mathematical models representing the components of celebrities, for example,

David Letterman + Dennis Miller = Dennis Prager.

For a humorous magazine, Spy was often aggressive about straight feature reporting. In its 1993 article entitled "Clinton's First 100 Lies,", Spy was the first to detail what it described as the new president''s duplicitous behavior. After O.J. Simpson was acquitted on charges of murdering his former wife and her friend, Spy ran a cover story under the headline "He''s Guilty, By George!" compiling a long list of details that its writers said proved conclusively that Simpson was the killer; he did not sue. Spy used a staff of attorneys to research such potentially libelous material, producing strong stories that often enraged their prominent subjects.

Despite its short life, Spy was among the most influential of American magazines, chiefly due to its consistently preserved policy of detached and ironic tone, to its use of imaginatively humorous scientific charts and tables to convey information, and its esthetically pleasing typography and layout. The magazine was also controversial: many reputable journalists considered it aggressive and flashy, whereas many younger ones felt it expressed exactly their thought.

After one shut-down and a subsequent rebirth, it closed for good in 1998.
Published: July 17, 2007, by Myself